没人能告诉哈罗德 · 布朗罗 他得不到他想要的
Nobody tells Harold Brownlow he can't get what he wants.
那些市政厅的混蛋就是一群吹牛大王
Those City Hall assholes are a bunch of blowhards!
我不明白为什么我们不能像正常人一样叫辆出租车
I don't understand why we can't get a cab like normal people.
亲爱的希拉里 你不可能像我一样靠给出租车司机送钱而致富
Hilary dear, you don't get as rich as I am by giving money away to cab drivers.
而且 我们的酒店就在这条巷子的另一头
Besides, our hotel is just at the other end of this alley.
你真是个小气鬼
You're such a cheapskate.
来吧 女人
Come on, woman.
哇
Whoa!
小心脚下
Watch your step!
哈罗德 我不喜欢这个地方
Harold, I don't like this place.
真难闻
It smells bad.
天啊 有100码呢
Jesus, it's a 100 yards.
捂住鼻子
Hold your nose or something.
哈罗德
Harold?
小子 你真是个大混蛋 不是吗
Boy! You're a big son of a bitch, ain't ya?
希拉里 叫辆出租车
Hilary. Call a cab.
哈罗德
Harold!
吃这个
Eat this!
狗娘养的
Son of a bitch!
趴下
Stay down!
启动自动防御协议
Automated defense protocol initiated.
耶
Yeah!
呀
Ya!
下地狱吧 忍者
Burn in hell, Ninjas!
不
No!
去你的 阿库姆
Damn you, Akumu!
去你的
Damn you!
好吧 我们开始吧
Okay. Let's do this.
我和阿特金斯州长一起在 Pompadour
I'm here with Governor Atkins outside Pompadour's
International circus as it prepares for a midnight
国际马戏团外为明晚的午夜表演做准备
performance tomorrow night, in aid of the city's
为了帮助无家可归的市民 由州长亲自组织
homeless and organized by the governor himself.
早上好 州长 感谢您的到来
Good morning, Governor, and thank you for joining us.
州长
Governor, what do you say to your critics
对于那些说你的人道主义姿态只是为 了掩盖你的一些更纯粹的政策而设计的烟幕弹的批评者
who say this humanitarian gesture of yours
is simply a smokescreen designed to mask
some of your more puritanical policies?
你怎么说
如果小报愿意 可以叫我清教徒
The tabloids can call me a puritan if they so wish.
但这只是反动的侮辱 因为我对反社会行为的零容忍立场
but it's just a reactionary insult due to my
zero tolerance stance on anti-social behavior.
我指的是我们社会中的酗酒问题
I'm referring to the abuse of alcohol in our society.
总得有人站出来 多莉
Someone has to put their head above the parapet, Dolly.
这就是为什么在我担任州长期间
Which is why under my tenure as governor, I will be seeking to restrict the
我将寻求限制酒吧和夜总会的开业时间 同时限制酒精的销售
opening times of bars and nightclubs
together with limits on the sale of alcohol.
如果这让我成为清教徒 那就这样吧
If that makes me a Puritan, then so be it.
记住 只有团结起来 我们才能让这个世界变得更美好
Remember, only together, can we make this world a better place.
你准备好了我就开始
I'm ready when you are.
该死的小丑
Fuckin' clowns.
所有人
All of 'em.
嘿
Hey!
你又在破坏电器吗
You been shooting the appliances again?
-给我们一个吻 -是蟑螂
- Give us a kiss! -Must be the roaches.
他们开始发威了
They've started packing heat.
如果有任何损坏 我就把它加到你的房租里
Any damage and I'm adding it to your rent!
顺便说一句 现在已经逾期了
Which is now overdue, by the way.
你会拿到钱的 古斯曼
You'll get your money, Gussman.
现在从我面前消失
Now get out of my face.
你这该死的变态
You Goddamn pervert!
给我们一个吻
Give us a kiss!
嘿 英雄
Hey, hero.
给老兽医点零钱吧
Spare some change for an old vet?
又是你
You again?
这里有25美分
Here's a quarter.
给自己买条裤子和比纳卡喷雾
Buy yourself some pants and Binaca spray.
这个人在骚扰你吗 先生
This man bothering you, sir?
哈
Ha!
你是谁
Who's asking?
我叫科斯洛夫斯基 长官
Name's Koslowski, sir.
Schitt 上尉派我来见你
Captain Schitt sent me to meet you.
我是你的新搭档
I'm your new partner.
哦 上帝啊
Oh, Jesus.
对于我这样的菜鸟 你有什么至理名言吗 先生
Do you have any words of wisdom for a rookie like me, sir?
当然 努力工作 吃你的绿色蔬菜
Sure. Work hard. Eat your greens.
永远不要把你的小弟弟插进血管里
And never stick your dick in a mangle.
等等 什么
Wait! What?
耶
Yeah!
我的老天爷啊
Jesus H. Christ on a hippity-hop.
这个城市到底发生了什么
What the hell is going on in this city?
这是几周内第十二起失踪案了
That's the twelfth disappearance in as many weeks.
至少这次我们有目击证人 先生
At least this time we have a witness, sir.
如果她来的话
If she ever comes round.
该死 又来了
Shit! Not again!
该死 斯蒂尔到底在哪里
Goddamn it! Where the hell is Steel!?
我觉得他正在适应你派给他的新搭档 长官
Um, I think he's breaking in that new partner you sent him, sir.
不知道效果如何
Hmm. I wonder how that's working out?
可能很糟糕
Probably quite badly.
狗娘养的
Son of a bitch!
能和你共事真是我的荣幸 先生
Can I just say it's a real honor to work with you, sir.
好吧 我们把话说清楚 孩子
Okay, let's get one thing straight, kid.
我不喜欢你
I don't like you.
这家伙是谁
Who the fuck is this guy?
在你开始之前 这并不是因为你是个菜鸟或任何其他的废话
And before you start, it's not because you're a rookie or any of that crap.
事实上我谁都不喜欢
The fact is I don't much like anybody.
我知道你在想什么
I know what you're thinking.
你觉得我这副坚强的外表只是为了..
You're thinking that this tough exterior is just my way of...
经过一段时间后 争吵和对彼此的不喜欢会变成钦佩
breaking in a new partner and that after
a while, the bickering and mutual dislike
of each other will turn into admiration, and who knows, maybe even respect.
谁知道呢 甚至可能是尊重
我有消息要告诉你 巴顿
Well, I got news for you, Butthorn.
那是不可能的 你听到了吗
That ain't gonna happen, you hear me?
我的老天爷啊
Sweet baby Jesus!
我是个特立独行的人 叛逆者 我行我素...
-I'm a maverick, renegade, loose cannon... -Look out!
小心
独行侠警察
...lone wolf cop on the edge.
不按规矩办事 而我独来独往
Who doesn't play by the rules and I work alone!
明白了吗
Got it?
哦 也许把你的事情处理好是个好主意
Oh, and it's probably a good idea to get your affairs in order.
跟所爱的人说再见等等
Say goodbye to loved ones and so forth.
如果你明白我的意思 我的合伙人的保质期不会很长
My partners don't exactly have a long shelf life if you know what I mean.
别吸毒
Don't do drugs.
你到底有什么毛病
What the hell is wrong with you?
不管怎样 好好享受吧
Anyway, enjoy the ride!
耶
Yeah!
明白了吗
So. We clear?
Steel
Steel!
你到底在想什么
What the hell were you thinking?!
你知道你造成了多大的伤害吗
Do you have any idea how much damage you caused?
多于一点但少于很多
More than a little but less than a lot?
你看过这个吗
Have you read this?!
"陷入困境的警察队长杰克
"Beleaguered Police Captain Jack Schitt
-施特就像一个巧克力避孕套一样有用 "
about as much use as a chocolate condom!"
这话很刺耳 还有点种族歧视
That's harsh. And a little racist.
你该庆幸我没让你做文书工作
You're lucky I don't assign you to desk duties!
来吧 队长 我上次拿起笔是为了刺穿一个强奸犯的卵袋
Come on, Captain. The last time I picked up
a pen it was to stab a rapist in the nut sack!
我是认真的 斯蒂尔 你差点就死了
I mean it, Steel! You're this close to being gone.
-凭什么 -听着你那加强版的老二里的金属声
On what grounds?!
Listening to hair metal in that souped-up
penis extension of yours and really shitty driving!
还有糟糕的驾驶技术
你到底怎么了 你曾经是我们的一员
What the hell happened to you? You used to be one of us!
在外面打出名堂
Out there kicking ass and taking names!
现在你只要坐在那张桌子后面 把铅笔插进你的屁股里
Now you just sit behind that desk sticking pencils up your ass!
我才不会把铅笔塞进屁眼里
I do not stick pencils up my ass!
还有科斯洛夫斯基 拜托
And Koslowski!? I mean, come on!
这是多少个搭档啊
How many partners is that!?
那孩子只是还没准备好走上穷街陋巷
The kid just wasn't ready for the mean streets!
Steel 他开枪自杀了
Steel, he shot himself.
该死的菜鸟
Damn rookies!
你这个独行侠已经够久了
This lone wolf bullshit of yours has gone on long enough.
就算杀了我 你也要跟我合作
You will work with a partner even if it kills me!
该死 整个分局的人都威胁说 如果我再跟他们合作
Shit.
The whole precinct threatened to walk out if I tried to
他们就会退出 所以我不得不去更远的地方
partner you with any more of them so I've had to go further afield.
你可以选择 从文化交流项目中招募一名瑞典女性
You have a choice, a Swedish female recruit from the cultural exchange program,
一只名叫“咯咯笑先生”的过度活跃的猴子
a hyperactive monkey called Mr. Giggles, or the office cheese plant! Your call!
或者办公室奶酪工厂 你说了算
这太他妈愚蠢了
This is fuckin' stupid.
好吧 如果你玩一轮“脸还是蛋蛋”我就找个搭档
Okay, I'll work with a partner if you go one round of "face or balls".
该死 斯蒂尔 我没时间跟你废话
Damn it, Steel! I don't have time for this shit!
脸还是蛋蛋
Face or Balls.
好吧
Okay.
必须是脸
It'll have to be face.
我老婆开始怀疑为什么我的蛋蛋是蓝色的
My wife is starting to wonder why my balls are blue.
耶
Yeah!
好吧 斯蒂尔 选一个搭档
Okay, Steel. Pick a partner!
我还是选瑞典妞吧
I guess I'll go for the Swedish broad.
你可以让她进来了
You can send her in now.
嗨 欢迎加入
Hi, welcome to the team.
不 Chuck 那是 Gloria 我的新秘书
No Chuck, that's Gloria, my new secretary.
那是你的新搭档
That's your new partner.
我单干
I work alone!
斯蒂尔 向英格丽-克鲁兹警官问好
Steel, say hello to Officer Ingrid Klutz.
猴子还有用吗
Is the monkey still an option?
没有
Nope.
喂
Hello?
是的
Yes.
是的
Yes.
是吗 那你也去死吧
Yeah? Well, fuck you, too!
是医院打来的
That was the hospital.
亿万富翁实业家哈罗德 · 布朗罗昨晚失踪了
Billionaire industrialist, Harold Brownlow disappeared
last night and his wife was chased not oncoming traffic.
他的妻子被追赶撞上迎面而来的车流
看来她恢复意识了
Seems she's regained consciousness.
这事很严重 斯蒂尔
This is serious, Steel.
布朗洛是州长的私人朋友
Brownlow was a personal friend of the governor.
那家伙是只该死的蜥蜴
That guy's a Goddamn lizard!
该死 斯蒂尔
Damn it, Steel!
我现在没心情听你的又一个偏执的阴谋论
I am not in the mood for your another one
of your paranoid conspiracy theories about
关于这个世界是如何被从另一个维度变形的光照派蜥蜴统治的
how the world is being run by shape shifting
Illuminati lizards from another dimension!
听到了吗
Do you hear me?!
你会后悔的 记住我的话
You'll be sorry. Mark my words.
赶紧去医院 听听他妻子的故事
Get your ass over to the hospital and get the wife's story.
我们得找出是谁干的 否则州长会找我麻烦的
We need to find whoever did this or the governor's gonna have my ass!
别担心 队长 我会保护你的
Don't worry, Captain, your ass is safe in my hands.
不 等一下
No, wait a second--
滚出去
Get out of here!
如果我是你 我会打开窗户
I'd open a window if I were you.
还有一件事 斯蒂尔
One more thing, Steel.
这条裤子让我的屁股看起来很大吗
Do these pants make my ass look big?
嘿 你在干什么
Hey, what are you doing?
我是一个非常重要的人
I'm a very important person!
这地方就是个怪胎秀
This place is a fucking freak show.
斯蒂尔警官
Ah, Officer Steel.
我一直想找你
I've been meaning to find you.
你又错过我们的治疗了
You missed our session again.
见鬼去吧 笨蛋
Blow it out your ass, Chump knuckles!
你不能一直躲着我 斯蒂尔警官
You can't keep avoiding me, Officer Steel!
好吧 我们把话说清楚
Okay, let's get one thing straight.
我不喜欢你 在你开始之前
I don't like you. And before you start, it's not
不是因为你是个女人或者其他什么乱七八糟的东西
because you're a woman or any of that horse shit.
事实上我谁都不喜欢
The fact is I don't much like anybody.
我知道你在想什么 你在想 这种强硬的外表...
I know what your thinking, you're thinking that this tough exterior...
...只是我磨合新伙伴的方式 过了一段时间 争吵...
...is just my way in breaking in a new
partner and after a while, the bickering...
罗森佩尼斯医生到肛肠科
Dr. Rosenpenis to Proctology.
呼叫Rosenpenis医生
Calling Doctor Rosenpenis.
你好 我是查克-斯蒂尔
Hi, I'm Chuck Steel.
这是我的搭档英格丽-克鲁兹
This is my partner Ingrid Klutz.
工作伙伴 我才不会碰那个
Work partner! No way would I touch that!
当然不会
Hell no.
我是来见布朗罗太太的
Um, I'm here to see Mrs. Brownlow.
七号房
Room seven.
穿过大厅
Across the hall.
嘿 甜心 等我忙完了 我们出去逛逛怎么样
Say, Sweet cakes, how about when I'm done here we go out somewhere?
我知道一个很棒的怪物卡车节
I know a great Monster Truck festival.
我很忙
I'm busy.
周一怎么样
What about Monday?
我在报税
I'm filing my tax return.
星期二
Tuesday?
我要埋了我的狗
I'm burying my dog.
星期三
Wednesday?
星期三 我屁股上插针
Wednesdays, I stick pins in my ass.
你想告诉我什么 是吗
You're trying to tell me something aren't you?
请求支援 拉拉
Call for back up, lesbian!
救命啊
Help!
别动 吃软糖的
Freeze, fudge sucker!
去死吧 黑暗的娼妓 去死吧
Die, harlot of darkness! Die!
你完蛋了 混蛋
You're busted, slime ball!
有人用过这个
Uh, somebody's used this.
谢谢你的快速支援 伊戈尔
Well, thanks for the speedy back up, Igor!
好了 老家伙 说吧
Okay, old man, start talking!
你犯了一个可怕的错误
You have made a terrible mistake.
那位女士必须被消灭
That lady must be destroyed!
根据移民局的记录 你是亚伯拉罕・范租赁公司的
According to immigration, you are one Abraham Van Rental.
这是你的真名吗
That your real name?
她被咬了
She has been bitten.
几个小时后 她将完成转变 她将被一种邪恶的嗜血欲望所吞噬
In a few hours, her transformation will be complete
and she will be consumed with an unholy bloodlust.
好吧..
Okay...
告诉我 你听说过吸血鬼吧
Tell me, you've heard of vampires, no?
当然
Sure.
但你有没有听说过..
But have you ever heard of...
吸血鬼
Trampires?!
你是说像一个女人把你的心挖出来 把你吸干
You mean like a woman who tears out your heart and sucks you dry?
不是
Um, no.
我指的是流浪汉 无家可归的流浪汉 臭烘烘的街头混混
I mean tramps in the sense of hobos, derelicts, stinky street folk, you know.
不像妓女或夜女那样的流浪汉 尽管她们也会受到影响
Not tramps as in harlots or ladies of the
night, although they, too, can be affected.
话说回来 我跑题了 我说到哪儿了
Anyway, I digress... where was I?
吸血鬼
Trampires?
啊 是的
Ah, yes.
吸血鬼是一种畸形
Trampires are an aberration.
一半吸血鬼 一半流浪汉
Half vampire, half tramp.
虽然在这个国家 我觉得你叫他们流浪汉
Although in this country, I think you call
them bums, but Bumires doesn't make any sense.
但是 Bumires 没有任何意义
我们现在可不想这样
We wouldn't want that now.
许多世纪前在特兰西瓦尼亚 吸血鬼统治着这片土地
Many centuries ago in Transylvania, vampires ruled over the land.
他们是当时的贵族毫无疑问 他们以农民的鲜血为食
They were the aristocracy of the time and they
fed off the blood of the peasants without question.
但是 在公元1400年左右
But, around 1400 AD
一切都变得有点个人化
everything got a bit PC
他们的生活方式被认为是不可接受的
and their way of life was deemed unacceptable.
他们被赶了出去 注定要作为被唾弃 的弃儿在这片土地上永远游荡...
They were driven out and destined to spend
eternity wandering the land as reviled outcasts...
去你的
Up yours!
...注定要过着黑暗的生活 吃着垃圾桶里吃了一半的汉堡包
...condemned to a life of darkness and of eating half-eaten burgers out of bins.
当这种情况发生时 他们变得非常沮丧 开始酗酒
When this happened, they got really depressed and took to drinking heavily.
多年来 这种持续不断的酗酒
Over the years, this constant binge drinking,
尤其是在周末 导致他们的新陈代谢发生变化
especially on weekends, caused their metabolism
to mutate until their craving for blood and
直到他们对血液的渴望和对廉价酒的渴望交织在一起
their craving for cheap booze became entwined.
就这样 吸血鬼诞生了
Thus, the Trampire was born!
你嗑药了吗
Are you on drugs?
我可以证明给你看
I can prove it to you.
告诉我 每个受害者失踪之前都参加过一个聚会或者社交聚会
Tell me, am I right in saying that before each of
the victims disappeared they had recently attended
a party or social gathering which would have
那会涉及到大量的酒精摄入 我说的对吗
involved a large amount of alcohol consumption?
继续
Go on.
这在任何情况下都是一样的
It is the same in every case.
吸血鬼只会被那些完全暴露的受害者吸引
The Trampires are only attracted to
victims who are completely ripped to the tits.
你不相信我
You don't believe me!
等等
Wait!
水果蛋糕
Fruit cake.
你要去哪里 回来
Where are you going? Come back!
吸血鬼是真的
The Trampires are real!
他们就在外面
They are out there!
随着每一个新的受害者 他们的队伍变得越来越强大
And with every new victim, their ranks grow ever stronger!
我相信你
I believe you.
对不起
Sorry.
靶场见 伊戈尔
See you on the gun range, Igor.
啊 斯蒂尔 你来了
Ah, Steel, There you are.
我听说你们拘留了一个嫌疑犯
I hear you have a suspect in custody?
是啊 老家伙
Yeah. Old guy.
看起来像夏洛克・福尔摩斯的智障弟弟
Looks like Sherlock Holmes' retarded brother.
干得真快 另一件事 愤怒管理治疗进行得如何了
Speedy work! On another matter, how's the anger management therapy going?
哦 你知道的 相当不错
Oh, you know. Pretty good.
一直在处理很多感情之类的事情
Been dealing with a lot of feelings and stuff.
你知道 情绪和狗屎
You know, emotions and shit?
废话少说 斯蒂尔
Cut the crap, Steel!
我知道你一次治疗都没去过
I know you haven't been to a single session!
我很忙 我正在按字母顺序整理我的鸡鸡摇滚收藏
I've been busy. I'm in the middle of alphabetizing my cock rock collection.
我不需要任何更多的 "边缘警察"
I don't need any more "cops on the edge"
在这个辖区里 斯蒂尔
in this precinct, Steel!
所以你最好开始向这位女士透露你的内心世界 否则...
So you'd better start revealing your inner child to this lady, or--
让我猜猜 是我的屁股
Let me guess, it's my ass?
不 是你的警徽和枪
No, it's your badge and your gun!
你可以把你的屁股塞进你的屁股
You can shove your ass up your ass!
这根本说不通
It doesn't even make any sense!
我说了算 我不需要讲道理
I'm in charge! I don't need to make sense!
脸还是蛋蛋
Face or Balls?
天啊
Jeez.
好吧 蛋蛋
Okay. Balls.
我不能再拍大头照了
I can't take any more head shots.
我的神经科医生说我有一个网球大小的动脉瘤
My neurologist said I have an aneurysm the size of a tennis ball.
耶
Yeah!
天啊
Jesus!
我想我的球袋裂开了
I think I split my ball bag!
你说你觉得..
Hmm, so you said you feel like--
你说你每天醒着的时候都有这种感觉
Hmm, so you said you feel like this every waking minute of every day?
差不多吧
Pretty much, yeah.
是这样吗
Is that it?
请放松 斯蒂尔警官
Please relax, Officer Steel.
如果这些疗程有用的话 我要求病人自愿参与
If these sessions are to be of any use, I
require the patient to be a willing participant.
我不是来了吗
I'm here aren't I?
我怀疑是被胁迫的
Under duress, I suspect.
你到底想不想做
Look, do you want o do this or not?
因为我有更重要的事要做 女士
'Cause I got better things to do, lady.
信不信由你 我是来帮忙的
Believe it or not, I'm here to help.
是吗 我见识过你的帮助对警局其他人的影响
Oh, is that right? Well, I've seen what your
kind of help is doing to the rest of this department!
我们让马洛尼如此“情感自由”
We've got Maloney so "emotionally liberated"
如果有街头小混混向他开枪 他可能会因为流血过多而道歉
that if some street punk shot him, he'd probably apologize for bleeding so much!
马丁内斯与他内心的孩子如此接近 以至于不穿尿布就不会去任何地方
Martinez is so in touch with his inner child
that he won't go anywhere without a diaper and
Sanchez is so in tune with his sexual identity
而桑切斯与他的性身份如此契合 以 至于他在监视时戴上了黑猩猩的面具
that he's taken to wearing a gimp mask on stakeouts!
至于队长 这真的开始让我感到害怕了 "
And as for the Captain, that's really starting to scare me!
如果你不喜欢我的方法 我很抱歉 斯蒂尔警官 但我还有工作要做
I'm sorry if you don't like my methods,
Officer Steel, but I also have a job to do.
这份工作能让像你这样情感受到创伤的警察从自我毁灭的边缘回来
And that job is bringing emotionally scarred police
officers like yourself back from the brink of self destruction.
我喜欢在“悬崖边”
Well, I like being on the "brink"!
事实上 我正在考虑在那里买套房子
In fact, I'm thinking of buying a house there.
离“边缘”稍微远一点
It's a little farther from the "edge"
但是我可以随时通勤
than I would have liked but I can always commute!
这次谈话毫无进展
This conversation is getting us nowhere.
我们重新开始 好吗
Let's start over, shall we?
跟我说说你妻子
Tell me about your wife.
没什么好说的
There's nothing to tell.
我有过妻子 但现在没有了
I had a wife and now I don't!
够了 我可以走了吗
That's it. Can I go now?
她怎么了
What happened to her?
她被杀了 好吗
She was killed. Okay?
她已经死了
She's gone.
她被一个叫阿库姆的忍者军阀杀了
She was murdered by a piece of shit Ninja warlord by the name of Akumu.
这个阿库姆怎么了
What happened to this Akumu?
你没去找他吗
Didn't you try to find him?
你在说什么
What are you saying?
你是说我不知道怎么做我的工作吗
You saying I don't know how to do my job? Huh?
不 我只是..
No. I'm simply--
你是说我不爱我妻子吗
You saying I didn't love my wife? Are you?
我觉得我们今天就到这吧
I think we should leave things there for today.
我看得出来你变得很焦虑
I can see you're becoming agitated.
这不是焦虑 女士 相信我 你不会想看到我焦虑的
This ain't agitated, lady, believe me you don't want to see me agitated.
你知道 除了愤怒之外 拥有其他情绪并不可耻
You know, there's no shame in having emotions other than rage.
我希望你最终能看到
I hope you'll come to see that eventually.
别抱太大希望 小甜心
Don't hold your breath, sugar tits.
我要在我的肚子里燃起一团火 直到我化为风中的尘土
I'll have a fire in my belly till I'm dust in the wind.
真是个混蛋
What a prick!
每个警察
Every police officer--
警方正在搜查..
Police are searching right now...
闭嘴
Shut up!
我是Steel
Steel here.
斯蒂尔 事情大条了
Steel, the shit just hit the fan!
四分钟内又发生了12起袭击
There's been 12 more attacks in the space of four minutes.
而且 你逮捕的那个人已经逃走了
Plus, that guy you arrested has escaped.
-马洛尼 -马洛尼
-Maloney? -Maloney.
那家伙就跟昨天的尿一样有用
That guy is about as useful as yesterday's piss!
我们认为他可能回医院了
We think he might be heading back to the hospital.
马上过去
Get over there now.
布朗洛家的女人要是出了什么事 州长就会把我关在他的狩猎小屋里
Anything happens to the Brownlow woman and the
Governor is gonna wall mount my ass in his hunting lodge!
蜥蜴
Lizard.
有时候我很担心他的精神状态
Sometimes I worry about that man's state of mind.
先生 你的奶子歪了
Sir, your tits are crooked.
哦 谢谢
Oh, thanks.
现在轮到你了
Now you're going to get it.
谁胆敢进入我的住处
Who dares to enter my dwelling place?
是我 臭丫头 亚伯拉罕 · 范 · 伦特
It is I, foul wench, Abraham Van Rental.
我回来是为了把你被诅咒的灵魂送回地狱
I have returned to send your cursed soul
back to the boiling hell from whence it came.
渺小的人类傻瓜
Puny human fool!
你永远无法摆脱我的同类
You shall never be rid of my kind!
只要人们继续喝得烂醉 他们就会成为吸血鬼的猎物
As long as people keep getting shit-faced they will be the prey of the Trampire!
说到这个 我快渴死了
Talking of which, I'm dying of thirst.
你今天喝酒了吗
Have you been drinking today?
我午饭时喝了杯酒 就这样
Well I--I had a glass of wine at lunchtime but that's all.
到我这儿来
Come to me.
我渴了
I thirst.
你不能迷惑我 我是英国人
You cannot mesmerize me! I'm British!
我是你的 魅魔
I am yours, succubus.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God!
那个疯子回来了
That crazy man is back!
我觉得他想骚扰她
I--I think he's trying to molest her!
退后 我来处理
Okay, step back. I'll handle this.
站住
Freeze!
去你的
Damn you!
我正准备去买点东西
I was about to get some.
不 不是你看到的那样
No, It's not what it looks like.
她是...
-She is a-- -A Trampire. Yeah, I know.
吸血鬼 我知道
你相信我吗
You believe me?
我不知道我相信什么
I don't know what I believe.
我只知道发生了一些奇怪的事 我无法解释
All I know is there's some weird shit going down and I can't explain it.
所以现在 大家保持冷静 不要动
So for now, everyone stay calm and nobody move.
这很好笑吗
Is that supposed to be funny?
我们来晚了
We are too late.
她已经变了
She has already turned.
我们现在无能为力
There is nothing we can do for her now.
过来 美人 让我享用你美丽的血管
Come closer, pretty one, so that I may feast on your exquisite veins.
不用了 谢谢 我在办公室给的
No thanks. I gave at the office.
你会为你的傲慢付出代价的
You will pay for your insolence!
支票已经寄出去了
The check's in the mail.
照亮这里
Let's get some light in here.
不
No!
搞什么鬼
What the hell?
去死吧 臭婊子 去死吧
Die, hell-bitch, die!
好吧 医生 别激动
Uh, okay, Doc, take it easy.
血祖会让你付出代价的
The Master will make you pay for this!
他马上就来了
He is coming soon!
你们都要付出灵魂的代价
You shall all pay with your souls!
等等 拉上窗帘
Wait! Close the curtains!
哦 该死
Oh, shit.
我靠
Oh, flaps.
怎么了
What's wrong?
她提到了血祖
She spoke of the Master.
这可能比我想象的还要糟糕
This could be worse than I thought.
她现在什么都不会告诉我们了
Well, she ain't gonna tell us anything now.
把它拿开 它在咬我的鼻子
Get it off me! It's biting my nose!
把它拿开
Get it off me!
救救我
Help me!
别动
Hold still!
脱下来
Take it off!
哦 天哪
Oh, God!
帮帮我 帮帮我 你这个笨蛋
Help me! Help me, you great lummox!
这可能会有点疼
Now, this might hurt a little.
对不起
Sorry.
别碰头发 别碰头发
Not the hair! Not the hair!
离我远点
Get it away from me!
妈咪
Mummy!
我愛你
I love you.
来吧 你这个小混蛋
Come on, you little bastard!
我要揍扁你
I'll tan your ass!
我卡住了
I'm stuck!
喂 蝙蝠侠
Yo! Bat thing!
来吧
Come on.
吃子弹吧
Eat lead!
你喜欢吗
Do you like that, huh?
这就是你想要的吗
Is that what you want?
不是你看到的那样
It's not what it looks like.
快来人帮忙
Somebody get some help!
搞什么
What the fuck!
该死 斯蒂尔
Damn it, Steel!
那是我们唯一的目击证人
That was our only witness!
到底发生了什么
What in the hell happened?!
队长 首先她变成了吸血鬼 所以我们打开了窗帘
Well, Captain, first she turned into a Trampire so we opened the drapes.
然后她变成了蝙蝠 咬了我的鼻子 所以我用铅笔杀了她
Then she turned into a bat and bit my nose so I killed her with a pencil.
什么 你怎么能再失去一个搭档
What?! And how could you lose another partner for Christ's sake!
我刚被瑞典大使骂了一顿
I just got my ass chewed out by the Swedish ambassador!
而且他还大发雷霆
And he had a beard!
那不是我的错 她是个笨手笨脚的女人
Now that wasn't my fault. She was a real clumsy broad.
你的鼻子是怎么回事 斯蒂尔
And what the hell is it with your nose, Steel?
你看起来就像打了类固醇的卡尔 · 马尔登
You look like Karl Malden on steroids!
他被其中一只咬了
He has been bitten by one of them!
很快 毒药就会通过他的身体
Soon, the poison will work its way through his body.
今晚午夜之前他就会变成一个黑暗生物
By midnight tonight he will have become a creature of darkness
他唯一的目标就是袭击酒吧里出来的醉汉
whose only goal is to attack drunk people coming out of bars!
这家伙是谁
Who the fuck is this guy?
说来话长 队长
Look, it's a long story, Captain.
等我到午夜
Just give me till midnight.
如果到时候我还没找到这个疯子 你可以亲自把木桩插进我的心脏
If I haven't found this psycho by then, you
can personally drive a stake through my heart.
-肝脏 -什么
-Liver. -What?
要杀死一个吸血鬼 你必须刺穿肝脏 而不是心脏
To kill a Trampire, you must pierce the liver, not the heart.
随便啦
Whatever.
怎么样 队长
So what do you say, Captain?
听起来很诱人 但很抱歉 斯蒂尔 这次不行
It's tempting, but I'm sorry, Steel, not this time.
从现在开始 你不再负责这个案子了
You're off the case, as of now.
今晚我要派你去马戏团当保安
I'm putting you on security detail at the circus tonight!
见鬼去吧
To hell with that!
我不是什么该死的小丑
I ain't no Goddamn clown!
斯蒂尔 你能得到那个已经很幸运了
Steel, you're lucky to get that!
我刚拿到你的心理报告
I've just got your psych report.
Cular 医生说你有太多没解决的愤怒问题 都是因为你妻子的事
Dr. Cular says you've got too many unresolved
anger issues because of what happened to your wife.
我要告诉你们多少次
How many times do I have to tell you people?
我才没有什么该死的愤怒问题
I DO NOT have a Goddamned anger problem!
该死 斯蒂尔
Damn it, Steel!
你是警队里最好的警察
You're the best Goddamn cop on the force but
但你什么时候才能意识到现在已经不是1985年了
when are you going to realize it's not 1985 anymore!
现在是1986年
It's 1986!
我说到哪了
Now where was I?
你正要玩一轮“脸还是蛋蛋”
You were about to go one round of "Face or Balls".
是吗
I was?
当然了 你听到他说的了 对吧
Sure you were. You heard him, right?
嗯..
Um...
是的
Yes.
好吧
Uh, okay.
这次一定要面对
It'll have to be face this time.
我的前列腺像狗娘养的一样跳动
My prostate's pulsing like a son of a bitch.
总有一天你得告诉我这个游戏的规则 斯蒂尔 因为我确定我说的是脸
You're gonna have to tell me the rules to this
game one day, Steel, 'cause I'm sure I said face.
哦 对不起
Oh, sorry.
这应该能给我们争取几个小时
Well, that should buy us a few hours.
走吧 我有个计划
Let's go. I have a plan.
好了 Giggles 该你了
Okay, Giggles, you're up!
我们把话说清楚
Let's get one thing straight.
我不喜欢你
I don't like you.
在你开始之前 不是因为你是只该死的猴子或者其他什么的
And before you start, it's not because
you're a Goddamn monkey or any of that crap.
事实上我谁都不喜欢
The fact is I don't much like anybody.
我知道你在想什么
I know what your thinking.
你认为这个强硬的外表只是我适应新搭档的方式
Your thinking this tough exterior is just my way of breaking in a new partner.
然后过了一段时间 争吵和相互的厌恶..
And then after a while the bickering and mutual dislike of each other...
这就是你的计划 喝得烂醉
This is your plan? Get shit-faced?
诱饵 亲爱的孩子
Bait, dear boy.
如果我们能消耗足够的酒精也许就能把吸血鬼引出来
If we can consume enough alcohol then we
might be able to lure the Trampires out of hiding.
至少通常是这样的
At least, that's usually how it works.
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
古老的卷轴讲述了一个传说中的吸血鬼 他被称为血祖
Ancient scrolls tell of a mythical Trampire known as The Master.
据说他的酒量比其他人好得多
He is prophesied to be able to hold his drink a lot better than the others.
卷轴上还说这个“吸血鬼首领”
The scrolls also state that this "Leader of Trampires"
试图实现“封锁”
will attempt to bring about the "Lock-in"
一个古老的诅咒 它会把天空变成永 恒的夜晚 把水变成廉价的苹果酒
an ancient curse that will turn the skies to an
eternal night and transform water into cheap cider.
由此产生的黑暗将导致世界各国人民的大规模抑郁
The resultant darkness will cause mass depression
amongst the peoples of the world and nearly
几乎每个人都将开始大量饮酒 为吸血鬼创造永无止境的食物供应
everyone will start drinking heavily, creating
a never-ending food supply for the Trampires.
我们所知的清醒的世界将不复存在
The sober world we know shall be no more!
天啊
Jesus.
还有一个传说是关于天选之子的 一个将一劳永逸地打败吸血鬼的人
There is also a legend that tells of the chosen one,
a man who will defeat the Trampires once and for all.
但我个人认为那是胡说八道
But personally I think that bit is bullshit.
那我们怎么找到血祖
So how do we find this Master?
诱饵 亲爱的孩子 诱饵
Bait, dear boy, bait.
喂
Hello?
斯蒂尔 你在吗
Steel, you here?
别这么胆小 巴特沃斯先生
Don't be a chicken, Mr. Butterworth.
我会想办法弄到钱的 你个废物
Subtransl.ed balloumowgly I'll get my money one way or another, you bum.
哦 该死
Oh, shit!
哦 天啊
Oh, boy!
我会玩得很开心的
Am I gonna have some fun with this!
巴特沃斯先生
Mr. Butterworth!
哦 我的上帝
Oh, my God!
等等 不
Wait! No!
那么 你是怎么进入这个游戏的 医生
So, so how'd you get into this game, Doc?
我是说 猎杀吸血鬼
Hunting Trampires, I mean.
这是几个世纪以来的家族生意
It's been a family business for centuries.
我父亲猎杀过吸血鬼 他的父亲也是 他的父亲也是
My father hunted Trampires, as did his
father before him, and his father before him--
还有他的父亲
And his father before him.
我明白了
Yeah, I get the picture.
不 他父亲是个水管工
No, his father was a plumber.
那你呢 有没有斯蒂尔太太
So what about you, is there a Mrs. Steel?
我不想谈这个
I don't want to talk about it.
好吧
Okay.
天啊 我爱那个女人
God, I loved that woman!
发生什么事了
What happened?
她死了
Oh, uh, she died.
-什么 -被一个叫阿库姆的忍者混蛋杀了
-What?! -Murdered by a Ninja asshole by the name of Akumu.
真扫兴
What a bummer!
说得太对了
Damn straight!
去你的 阿库姆
Damn you, Akumu!
去你的
Damn you!
我只想说 你的小弟弟是我见过最大的
Can I just say, you have the biggest penis I've ever seen on a man.
我知道
I know.
你他妈的..
You Mother fu...
我们去街上找流浪汉
We're going to walk the streets looking for tramps.
随便你 伙计
Whatever floats your boat, buddy.
小丑
Clowns.
-嘿 -对不起
-Hey! -Sorry!
不要这样的毒品
Don't so drugs!
是的
Yeah.
你为什么要这么做
Why would you do that?
对不起
Sorry!
他在那儿 抓住他
There he is! Get him!
离我远点
Leave me alone!
去他妈的
Fuck it!
这样不好
It's no good.
我的宿醉开始了 我们什么都没找到
My hangover's kicking in and we ain't found squat.
有一件事我们可以试试 但你不会喜欢的
There is one thing we can try but you're not going to like it.
50美元 猴子可以看
Fifty bucks and the monkey can watch.
谢谢你 美丽的夜之女神
Thank you, fair lady of the night.
你们还真是变态啊
You guys are into some kinky shit.
到处都是该死的变态
Goddamn perverts everywhere.
你可以出来了 她走了
You can come out now. She's gone.
我真的很不高兴
I am seriously not happy about this!
据统计 吸血鬼袭击醉酒情侣的次数比其他任何人都多
Statistically, the Trampires attack drunken
couples more than any other demographic.
我还是不明白我为什么要穿那条裙子
I still don't see why I had to wear the dress?
我做不到 我的腿做不到
Well, I couldn't pull that off. Not with my legs.
再说了 没时间争论了
Besides, there's no time to argue.
你的时间不多了
Time is running out for you.
那现在怎么办
So now what?
现在我们走 然后等
Now we walk. And we wait.
见鬼 这比我预想的还要快
Bloody hell! That worked quicker than I anticipated.
退后 黄昏的仆人 退后
Back, servant of twilight! Back!
快点 我们不能跟丢了
Quickly! We must not lose sight of him.
他可能会带我们找到巢穴
He may lead us to the nest!
天啊 你怎么穿着这个走路的
Jesus. How do you walk in these things?!
把你的卡车给我
Give me your truck!
咬我啊
Bite me!
他咬我
He bit me!
他要跑了
He's getting away!
来吧
Come on!
该死的鞋子
Fucking shoes!
快点 别磨磨蹭蹭的 把衣服给我
Come on. Don't dilly dally Give me my clothes.
我得换身衣服
I need to change out of this shit.
恐怕我把它们丢在巷子里了
Oh, uh, I'm afraid I dropped them in the alley.
你这个混蛋
You asshole!
我觉得我们可能有所发现
I think we might be on to something here, you know.
如果我没记错的话 这里很可能是吸血鬼的巢穴
If I'm not mistaken, this could well be the Trampires lair.
天啊 你觉得呢
Gee. You reckon?
搞什么鬼
What the hell?
看起来像是贝蒂 · 福特的新生周
It looks like freshman week at Betty Ford's.
这绝对是巢穴
This is definitely the nest.
但它们的数量比平时多
But there's more of them than usual.
看 是哈罗德 · 布朗罗
Look. It's Harold Brownlow.
他看起来糟透了
He looks like shit.
恐怕对他来说太迟了
It is too late for him I'm afraid.
他现在是他们中的一员了
He is one of them now.
搞什么鬼
What the hell?
-你认识她 -当然
-You know her? -Sure.
她是局里的心理医生
She's the department shrink!
看起来她远不止如此
It looks like she's much more than that.
看起来她就是血祖
It looks like she is The Master.
不可能 我在白天见过她
But she can't be! I've seen her in daylight.
她连汗都没出
She didn't even break a sweat.
卷轴告诉我们 血祖比其他人更强大
The scrolls tell us that the Master is stronger than the others.
要杀死他或她 你必须在15分钟内使用三种方法
To kill him, or her, you must use three methods within a 15 minute window.
例如 在光天化日之下用木桩刺穿肝脏
For example, a stake through the liver in broad
daylight whilst hosing him or her down with Holy coffee.
同时用神圣咖啡冲洗他或她的身体
你是在瞎编吗
Are you making this shit up as you go?!
谢谢你们 我的兄弟们
Thank you, my brothers.
今晚看到你们这么多人在这里真让人热血沸腾
It warms the blood to see so many of you here tonight.
这是一条漫长的道路 但我们的旅程已接近尾声
It has been a long road but our journey's nearly at an end.
破坏洛杉矶警局的任务现在完成了
The task of sabotaging the LAPD is now complete.
他们现在满脑子都是毫无意义的心理呓语
Their heads are now so full of meaningless psychobabble that when it
comes to the final battle, they will be unable to protect the Puritan.
到了最后一战 他们将无法保护清教徒
信不信由你 一些可怜的笨蛋甚至开始了异装癖
Believe it or not, some of the poor saps even began cross dressing!
一个字都别说
Not a Goddamn word.
今晚 我们将喝下清教徒的血 禁闭将会过去
Tonight, we will drink the blood of the Puritan, the Lock In will come to pass
and we shall reign over the humans and reclaim the glory of our forefathers.
我们将统治人类重新夺回我们祖先的荣耀
这个清教徒是谁
So who's this Puritan guy?
这些卷轴讲述了一个与特拉皮尔不共戴天的敌人
The scrolls speak of a sworn enemy of the Trampires called the
他称这个清教徒为一个社会地位很高的人 他威胁着他们的生活方式
Puritan a man of great social standing who threatens their way of life.
如果我没记错的话 他必须在午夜时 分 在公共竞技场献祭 以实现封锁
If memory serves me correctly, he must be sacrificed at
midnight, in a public arena, to bring about the Lock In.
他们在新闻上称阿特金斯州长为清教 徒 他一直在取缔酒类经营许可证
They've been calling Governor Atkins a Puritan on the
news a lot he's been clamping down on liquor licenses.
如果街上没那么多醉汉 吸血鬼的食物供应就会减少
If there's less drunk people on the streets,
the Trampires food supply would dwindle.
这肯定会激怒他们的
That's bound to piss them right off.
阿特金斯今晚要参加一个慈善活动
Atkins is attending a charity event tonight.
他们要在马戏团袭击他
They're going to hit him at the circus.
-该死 -怎么了
-Oh, shit. -What is it?
我妻子..
My wife is...
什么
What?
死了 我妻子死了
...um, dead. My wife is dead.
被忍者杀死
Killed by Ninjas.
我知道 你说过
I know. You said.
让我们最后一次收拾好我们的纸板棺材吧 我的兄弟们
Let us pack up our cardboard coffins for the final time, my brothers.
我们的命运在午夜时分等着我们
Our destiny awaits us at the strike of midnight!
他们要走了
They're gonna leave.
我们得做点什么
We gotta do something!
别动 他们会看到我们的
Will you keep still. They're gonna see us.
Chuck 恐怕我们有麻烦了
Um, Chuck, I fear we may have a situation developing.
帮帮我
Help me.
把他拉开
Get him off me!
你能别动吗 我在努力控制自己
Will you keep still?! I'm trying to get a grip!
我穿着裤子都能感觉到他的头盔
I can feel his helmet through my britches!
我觉得他在这方面不需要任何帮助
I don't think he needs any help in that department.
你就不能杀了那个混蛋吗
Will you just shoot the bastard?
吃这个
Eat this!
我想他们可能听到了
I think they might've heard that.
好吧 你们这些混蛋 我们跳舞吧
Okay, you hell bastards! Let's dance!
斯蒂尔警官 真是个惊喜
Officer Steel, what a pleasant surprise.
衣服不错
Nice outfit.
看来我和你的治疗还是起作用了
Looks like my sessions with you have had an affect after all.
这个旧东西
This old thing?
放开我 你们这些恶臭的乞丐
Unhand me, you malodorous mendicants!
至于你 你这个爱管闲事的小混蛋
As for you, you interfering little shit!
几个世纪以来 你们的祖先给我带来了无穷无尽的麻烦
Your forefathers have caused me no end of hassle over the centuries!
知道你将是你们种族的最后一个 感觉如何
How does it feel to know you will be the last of your kind!
你就是这么想的 小矮人
Ah! That's what you think, homunculus!
year old grandson Algernon
Why even as we speak, my 15
正在接受训练 准备接替我的衣钵
is in training to take over my mantle.
如果他能停止手淫够久的话
If he can just stop masturbating long enough.
别废话了 笨蛋
Cease your prattling, fool!
放弃吧 女士 我们知道你要刺杀州长的计划
Give it up, lady, We know about your plan to kill the governor.
你不会得逞的
You'll never get away with it.
我会的 斯蒂尔警官
Oh, I will, Officer Steel.
这是我的命运
It is my destiny.
你的命运就是和一盒蜡笔一起被锁在一个橡胶房里 你这个疯婊子
It's your destiny to be locked in a rubber
room with a box of crayons, you crazy bitch!
你现在也不是满载而归 对吧
Well you're not exactly playing with a full deck now are you?
自从你妻子离开你之后就没有了
Not since your wife left you.
你妻子不是被忍者杀了吗
I thought your wife was killed by ninjas?
他也给你讲了那个故事 是吗
He fed you that story, too, did he?
神出鬼没的忍者大师Akumu
The elusive ninja master Akumu, arch nemesis of the legend that is Chuck Steel!
传奇人物Chuck Steel的宿敌
恐怕都是谎言
All lies I'm afraid.
可以说 真相更人性化一点
The truth is a little more human, shall we say.
你从哪儿弄来的
Where the hell did you get that?
你的房东在我咬住他喉咙的情况下还能帮上忙真是太好了
Oh, it's amazing how helpful your landlord
could be with my teeth clamped round his throat.
-亲爱的查克 -天啊 不
-"Dear Chuck... -Oh, God, no!
我知道这可能有点意外 但我要离开你了
...I know this might come as a surprise, but I'm leaving you.
你是个厌恶女人的尼安德特人
You're a misogynistic, Neanderthal, asshole with stupid hair
有着愚蠢的头发和看起来像一条面包的可笑的超大下巴的混蛋
and a laughably oversized chin that looks like a loaf of bread.
我遇到了别人
I've met someone else.
他叫巴尼
His name is Barney.
他在一家世界著名的巡回马戏团工作 担任驻场首席小丑 ”
He works at a world renowned travelling
circus as their premier clown in residence."
闭嘴 该死的 闭嘴
Shut up, damn it! Shut up!
他是身体喜剧界的巨人 一个独轮车专家 一个比你更好的情人
He's a giant in the world of physical comedy, an
expert unicyclist and a better lover than you could ever be.
求你了 不要再这样了
Please, no more.
另外 不要试图找我 否则巴尼会把狮子放在你身上
P.S. Don't try to find me or Barney will set the lions on you."
他老婆为了一个小丑离开了他
His wife left him for a clown!
求你了 上帝 让它停下来
Please, God, make it stop!
可怜的家伙
Oh, you poor bastard.
我对天发誓 我要杀光你们这些该死的..
I swear to God, I am going to kill every
last one of you dirty stinking mother f...
混蛋
Fuckers!
晚安
Night-night.
Steel
Steel!
你好
Hello.
欢迎回到人间 斯蒂尔警官
Welcome back to the land of the living, Officer Steel.
你不在的时候 我们给你朋友灌了三 瓶廉价威士忌 他现在已经完全醉了
While you were out, we force fed your friend three
bottles of cheap whisky and he is now completely hammered.
我们去俱乐部吧
Let's go to a club.
由于你的鼻子不再肿胀 我们知道毒素已经进入你的体内
And since your nose is no longer swollen, we
know that the toxins are now in your system.
很快你就会开始渴望 你的朋友对你 来说会比酒店里的小推车更有吸引力
Soon the cravings will begin and your friend will look
more appealing to you than a trolley dash in a liquor store.
你们将以他的血为食 你们的转变将完成
You will feast on his blood and your transformation will be complete.
狗娘养的
Son of a bitch!
但我不是怪物
But I'm not a monster.
这之后你可能需要一些心理治疗 所以我把名片留给了史蒂夫
You're probably going to need some therapy after
this so I've left my business card with Steve here.
打电话给我
Call me.
任何时候都可以
Anytime.
我喜欢他
I like him.
他真傻
He's silly.
我很享受
I was enjoying that.
喂 Chuck
Psst. Chuck.
别担心 我没那么醉
Fear not. I'm not actually that drunk.
作为训练的一部分 我学会了如何快速地将酒精通过我的身体系统
As part of my training I learned to pass alcohol
through my system so fast that it has minimal effect.
以至于它的作用微乎其微
唯一的缺点是干洗的费用
The only downside is the cost of the dry cleaning.
别管我 走开
Leave me. Get away.
听着 医生 你得杀了我
Listen, Doc, you have to kill me.
我随时都会变成他们中的一员
I'm going to turn into one of them any time now.
加油 老伙计 振作起来
Come on, old boy. Snap out of it.
你说得倒轻巧
That's easy for you to say.
我的名声一塌糊涂
My reputation is shot to shit.
我就是干这个的
Being the best Goddamn cop on the force is what I do.
这就是我 没有它我什么都不是
It's who I am. Without that I'm nothing.
胡说 孩子
Nonsense, my boy.
来喝点这个
Here drink some of this.
-这是什么 -一种秘密的灵丹妙药 可以暂时缓解症状
-What is it? -A secret elixir that helps stave off the symptoms for a while.
你之前怎么不说
Why didn't you mention this before?
只有在紧急情况下才能使用 因为只有在我害怕的时候才能使用
It is only to be consumed in an emergency as it only works once I'm afraid.
它是由番茄汁和消食片混合而成的
It's made up of a mixture of tomato juice and Alka-Seltzer.
还有粉碎的长颈鹿括约肌
Oh, and pulverized giraffe sphincters.
该死
Oh, bugger.
举起手来 你这个混蛋
Put 'em up, you bounder!
史蒂夫 你这个混蛋
Steve, you fucking prick!
我要发飙了
I'm starting to get agitated!
-你感觉怎么样 -还行吧
-How do you feel? -Okay, I think.
很好 灵丹妙药为我们争取了几个小时
Good. The elixir has bought us a few hours.
我们得在表演开始前赶到马戏团
We need to get to the circus before the show starts.
哟 咯咯笑 我们把这破地方炸了吧
Yo! Giggles, let's blow this shitbox!
你知道 当他不乱扔大便的时候 他是个很好的搭档
You know, when he isn't throwing his turds around, he's a damn good partner.
咯咯笑
Giggles!
不
No!
我需要帮助
I need help!
不
No!
Chuck! 去马戏团
Chuck! Get to the circus!
拯救清教徒
Save the Puritan!
但首先 如果我是你 我会换件不那么淫荡的衣服
But first. I'd change into something less slutty if I were you!
该死的
God damn it!
我能看到我的酒店了
Oh, I can see my hotel!
搞什么鬼
What the hell?
“如果你正在读这篇文章 那么我猜想
"If you're reading this then I'm guessing there's a
Giggles 先生被保释的可能性高于平均水平
higher than average chance that Mr. Giggles is fubarred.
为了在这种情况下抢占先机 这就是你的新搭档 你这个神经病
So, in an effort to get ahead of the game with this
situation here's your new partner, you psychotic son of a bitch.
这是你最后的机会 斯蒂尔
This is your last chance, Steel.
搞砸了 我发誓你就完蛋了
Fuck this up and I swear your ass is history!
另外 如果你要回办公室 能买点牛奶吗 我们没有了 ”
P.S. If you're coming back to the office,
can you pick up some milk? We're all out."
狗娘养的
Son of a bitch!
怎么回事
what the hell?
我搬进来的时候就有了
That was here when I moved in.
我的房租呢
Where's my rent?
听我说 古斯曼 你被吸血鬼咬了
Listen to me, Gussman, you've been bitten by a Trampire.
很快你就只想喝醉酒的人的血 白天躲在屎街的纸箱里
Pretty soon all you'll want to do is drink the blood of drunk people
and spend the daylight hours hiding in a cardboard box on Shit Street.
现在 如果你让我拿上我的十字弓
Now if you let me get my crossbow and get out
脱下这条裙子 还有时间来解决这个问题
of this skirt, there's still time to fix this.
你这该死的变态
You Goddamn pervert!
不
No!
哦 该死
Oh, shit.
这是从你的押金里扣的
This is coming out of your deposit!
把这个存进去
Deposit this!
电视上什么都没有
There's never anything on TV!
哦 该死
Oh, shit!
破坏程序启动
Destructive sequence initiated.
开什么玩笑
You gotta be shitting me!
给我们一个吻 给我们一个吻
Give us a kiss! Give us a kiss!
给我们一个吻 给我们一个吻
Give us a kiss! Give us a kiss!
去你的 巴特沃斯
Fuck you, Butterworth!
七 六...
- Seven, six... -Give us a kiss!
给我们一个吻
饶了我吧
Oh, give me a fucking break!
三 二 一
Three, two, one...
祝你愉快
Have a nice day.
好吧 我们把话说清楚
Okay, let's get one thing straight.
我不喜欢你
I don't like you.
我尿裤子了
I peed my pants!
别紧张 孩子 你刚才撞得不轻
Easy there, son, you've had quite a knock.
我在哪里
Where am I?
你们是什么人
Who are you people?
我叫朵拉
Name's Dora.
这里是流浪汉中心
This here's Bum Central.
虽然不大 但这是个家
It's not much but it's home.
哦
Ooh.
我怎么会在这里
How did I get here?
到那边去 他已经盯着我有一段时间了
Stretch over there, he's been watching me for awhile now.
我认识你 对吧
I know you, don't I?
你好 儿子
Howdy, son.
他们为什么叫你“弹力人”
Why do they call you Stretch?
因为我把零钱都藏在包皮里
'Cause I hide all my loose change in my foreskin.
别问他钱包在哪
Just don't ask where he keeps his wallet.
我听到了
I heard that!
那是我的东西吗
Is that my stuff?
他们在干什么
What are they doing?
木头子弹
Wooden-tipped bullets.
他们正在做一些修改
They are making a few modifications.
希望你别介意
I hope you don't mind.
我们还找到了这个
Here we found this, too.
从某个特别的人那里 嗯
From someone special, huh?
这是我妻子留给我的一切
It's all I have left of my wife.
对不起
I'm sorry.
她死了吗
Did she die?
没有
Nah.
她为了一个马戏团小丑离开了我
She left me for a circus clown.
他们有什么问题
What's their problem?
他们知道你被咬了
They know you've been bit.
想知道为什么你还没有变成吸血鬼
Wondering how come you ain't turned yet.
我的一个朋友给了我..
A friend of mine gave me, uh...
等等 你知道吗
Wait a second. You know?
关于吸血鬼
About the Trampires?
跟我来 孩子 你得看点东西
Come with me, son, you need to see something.
这边请
This way.
看 壁画里
Look, in the mural.
是你
It's you.
你这种独狼式的废话已经说得够多了
This lone wolf bullshit of yours has gone on long enough.
咯咯笑
Giggles!
血祖会让你付出代价的
The Master will make you pay for this.
他来了
He is coming.
我爱死你了
I love you.
不
No!
我穿着裤子都能感觉到他的头盔
I can feel his helmet through my britches!
这是你最后的机会 斯蒂尔
This is your last chance, Steel.
搞砸了 我发誓你死定了
Fuck this up, I swear your ass is history!
那他妈的是什么
What the fuck is that?
我们叫他智者
We call him The Wise One.
自从他因为在电梯里拉屎
He's been down here for 30 years, ever since he was
被高盛公司开除之后他已经在这里待了30年了
fired from Goldman Sachs for taking a shit in the elevator.
是他吗
Is it him?
你们谁能告诉我这到底是怎么回事吗
Is one of you gonna tell me what the fuck is going on here?
传说中提到一个人会从天而降拥有可以摧毁吸血鬼的工具
The legend speaks of a man who will fall from the skies
with the tools that can bring about the Trampires destruction.
哦 我的上帝
Oh, my God!
你是天选之子 我的朋友
You are the chosen one, my friend.
我们要去马戏团 笨蛋
We're going to the circus, fudge suckers!
注意你他妈的语言
Mind your fucking language!
这是阿特金斯州长出席今晚的慈善活动
And here we see Governor Atkins arriving at tonight's charity event.
事实上 这整个午夜秀是州长的主意
Indeed this whole midnight show was the governor's idea as a way
作为一种方式来突出我们街道上无家可归者的困境
as a way to highlight the plight of the homeless on our streets.
他确实是一个人民公仆
He truly is a man of the people.
谁来了
Who's here again?
有些可怜的家伙今晚熬不过去了
Some of these poor bastards aren't gonna make it through tonight.
孩子 有些可怜的家伙连早餐都撑不过去
Son, some of these poor bastards weren't gonna make it through to breakfast.
预言开始了
The prophecy begins.
哦 该死 哦 该死 哦 该死 哦 该死
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
等等 等等 回来
Wait! Wait! Come back!
这是个天大的误会
There's been a terrible mistake!
人都他妈去哪儿了
Uh, where the fuck is everyone?
我们到底要不要打架
We gonna rumble or what?
该死
Shit.
嘿 州长
Hey, Governor!
坐下 死胖子
Sit down, you fat fuck!
我是母鸡 呼叫所有电台
This is Mother Hen calling all stations.
-报告情况 -我这边安全
-Check in. -All clear on my end.
后方通道准备就绪
Back passage ready for action.
我买了一个气球 没有茶包 亚伯拉罕货车出租
I bought a balloon Nobody teabags Abraham Van Rental!
我还没想清楚
I haven't thought this through!
哦 该死
Oh, shit!
感受我的箭 邪恶的猪
Feel my shaft, ungodly swine!
猪肝到底在哪里
Where is a pig's liver anyway?
你他妈的去死吧
Will you just fucking die?!
烟熏培根
Smoky bacon!
-这些人是谁 -现在 女士们先生们
- Who are these guys? And now, ladies and gentlemen.
小心点 亲爱的
Keep your nut down, darling.
世界闻名的可可和他的一群小丑
The world famous Coco and his Bunch of Clowns!
你们这些混蛋
You bastards!
啊 乌合之众来了
Ah. There's the rabble.
我们来不及了
We're not going to make it in time!
我得想办法联系上杰克
I need to get hold of Jack somehow.
我有电话
I got a phone!
我是 Schitt
Schitt here.
队长 我是Steel 听我说
Captain, it's Steel. Listen to me.
你得让州长离开马戏团
You've got to get the governor away from the circus!
你到底在说什么 斯蒂尔
What the hell are you talking about, Steel?
奶酪植物和你在一起吗
Is the cheese plant with you?
-他没挺过来 -就是这样 Steel
-He didn't make it. -That's it Steel!
你现在正式被停职了
You're officially on suspension as of now.
现在你能不能闭嘴 你这个大水果
Now would you just shut up a second, you big fruit!
那个扰乱你心智的心理医生
The shrink who's been messing with your head.
她是一个叫“吸血鬼”的吸血鬼流浪者组织的头目
She's the leader of a group of vampire bums called
Trampires and she's heading your way to kill the governor.
她正朝你的方向去杀州长
心理医生是对的
The shrink was right.
你终于越界了 斯蒂尔
You've finally gone over the edge, Steel!
如果你不介意的话 我要去看那些滑稽的流浪小丑了
Now if you don't mind I'm trying to watch the funny looking tramp clowns.
他们有馅饼和一切
They've got pies and everything.
你说什么
What did you say?
我说他们有派和...
-I said they've got pies and-- -No, the clowns!
不 是小丑
你叫他们什么
What did you call them?
流浪汉 比起麦当劳叔叔 更像卓别林
Tramps. You know, more Charlie Chaplin than Ronald McDonald.
哦 我的上帝
Oh, my God!
你得把州长救出来 上尉
You've got to get the governor out of there, Captain!
-队长 -Steel
-Captain! -Steel?
该死的混蛋
Goddamn piece of shit!
你这个混蛋
You asshole!
这是欧洲马戏团吗
Is this a European circus?
哦 我得到了 DT 的哦 胡说
Ooh, I've got the D.T.'s Oh, Bollocks!
是的 绝对是法国人
Yep. Definitely French.
是个男的
It's a dude!
把清教徒带来
Bring me the Puritan!
摄像头
Cameras.
我准备好下一次治疗了 医生
I'm ready for my next session, Doc.
不
No!
太棒了
Yes!
笨蛋
Subtransl.ed balloumowgly Fool!
我们不能被一个人阻止
We cannot be stopped by just one man!
没关系 我不是一个人
That's okay. I don't work alone!
开火
Fire!
什么
What?
先生 我们必须马上带你离开这里
Sir, we have to get you out of here now!
不是吧
No shit!
让开
Out of my way!
欢迎加入 医生
Welcome to the party, Doc.
-我头痛欲裂 -我也是
-I've got a splitting headache. -Me, too!
安全吗
Is it safe?
它安全吗 它他妈的
Is it safe? Is it fuck!
来吧
Come on!
保护州长
Protect the governor!
等一下
Hang on.
天啊 我做了什么
Oh, God. What have I done?
马洛尼
Maloney!
滚开
Fuck off!
坚持住 马洛尼
Hold on, Maloney!
别死啊 你这个大傻逼
Don't you die on me! You big dumb son of a bitch.
帮我个忙 队长
Do me a favor, Captain.
告诉我妻子..
Tell my wife...
告诉她我从没真正爱过她
tell her I never really loved her.
我娶她只是为了接近她姐姐
I only married her to get close to her sister.
你愿意为我这么做吗 先生
Will you do that for me, sir?
你可以自己告诉她 马洛尼
You can tell her yourself, Maloney.
我不这么认为 先生
I don't think so sir.
我靠
Flaps!
哈利 是你吗
Harry? Is that you?
上帝 请不要让我死
God, please don't let me die.
找到了
Tally ho!
胡说八道
Bollocks.
你不知道我是谁吗
Don't you know who I am?
他什么都不知道
He don't know jack shit!
他现在知道了
He does now!
很高兴你回来了 队长
Good to have you back, Captain.
回来真好
Good to be back.
那些蕾丝内裤让我想吐
Those lace panties were giving me thrush.
这到底是怎么回事
What the hell is going on?
这些人是谁
Who are these people?
我们是下层民众 州长先生
We're the unwashed masses, Mr. Governor.
你欠我们一个大人情
And you owe us big time.
对吧 斯特雷奇
Ain't that right, Stretch?
另一个是为了储备金
Another one for the nest egg!
哦 斯特雷奇
Oh, Stretch.
当当
Ta-da!
不
No!
她不可能还活着
She can't be still alive!
我朝她的肝脏开了一枪
I emptied a clip of wood-tipped bullets into her liver!
你必须在15分钟内使用三种方法
You have to use three methods within a 15-minute window.
记得吗
Remember?
加入我们吧
Join us!
Steel
Steel?
把州长带走 我来拖住她
Get the governor out of here! I'll hold her off!
-你疯了吗 -他没疯
-Are you crazy? -He's not crazy.
他是警队里最好的警察
He's the best Goddamn cop on the force.
他也是天选之子
He's also the chosen one.
当然 所以你的鸡鸡才这么大
Of course. That's why you have such a big penis!
我只是个警察
I'm just a cop!
现在给我滚出去 让我做我的工作
Now get the hell out of here and let me do my job.
哦 不
Oh, no.
灵药已经失效了
The elixir has worn off.
蜕变就在你身上
The transformation is upon you.
哦 我的... 天啊
Oh, my... God!
这是我见过最恶心的东西了
That's got to be the grossest thing I've ever seen.
我还得了痔疮
And I've got hemorrhoids!
快走
Go! Now!
你听到他说的了 Schitt
You heard the man, Schitt!
放我出去
Get me out of here!
坚持住 Chuck
Hold on, Chuck!
还有时间拯救你的灵魂
There's still time to save your soul!
试着坚守你的...
Try to hold on to your...
人性
humanity.
哦 老鼠的鸡巴
Oh, rat's cocks!
清醒点 撒旦之子
Sober up, Satan spawn!
这是三分之二 你这个阴险的妓女
That's two out of three, you sepulchral harlot!
我们到底走不走
Are we leaving or what?!
你正在犯一个大错误 女士
You are making a big mistake lady!
愚蠢的凡人
Foolish mortal!
这你就错了
That's where you're wrong!
现在到底是怎么回事
What the hell is happening now!?
你问倒我了
You got me.
卷轴上从没提过这事
The scrolls never mentioned this shit.
我告诉过你他是只该死的蜥蜴
I told you he was a fucking lizard!
这是我们的世界
This is our world!
绝不
Never!
Chuck! 我们还得保护清教徒
Chuck! We still have to protect the Puritan!
即使他是一只巨大的蜥蜴
Even if he is a giant lizard!
哈里豪森
Harryhausen!
你能不能别动 你这个油腔滑调的怪胎
Will you keep still, you greasy freak?!
该死的激光
Mother Fucking lasers!?
饶了我吧
Oh, give me a fucking break!
不要害怕
Have no fear!
天选之子来了
The Chosen One is here!
你好
Hello.
妈的
Shit!
让我想起了我的新婚之夜
Reminds me of my wedding night.
不 不可能
No! It cannot be!
三振出局 贱人
That's strike three, bitch!
去死吧
Time to die.
也许不是
Huh? Maybe not!
找到了
Bingo!
Chuck 接住
Chuck, catch!
现在我要发飙了
Now I'm agitated!
来吧
Come on!
这个 Schitt 太老了
This Schitt's getting too old for this shit!
-Chuck?-Lucy
-Chuck? -Lucy?
真尴尬
Awkward.
哦 该死
Oh, shit!
我们得谈谈
We need to talk.
哇 大蜥蜴
Whoa! Giant lizard!
医生 你没事吧
Doc, are you okay?
我想是的
Uh, I think so.
现在女主人被打败了 你可以杀了那个混蛋了
Now that the Mistress is vanquished, you can kill that asshole!
你到底要怎么杀死一只大蜥蜴 医生
And how exactly do you kill a big fucking lizard, Doc?
用他妈的大子弹
With big fucking bullets!
哦 耶
Ooh, yeah!
开始吧
Let's do this!
嚼这个 你这个外星婊子
Chew on this, you alien mother!
坚持住 Schitts
Hang on, Schitts!
不是针对你
It's nothing personal.
我只是想让这个世界变得更美好
I'm just trying to make this world a better place!
哟 鱼嘴
Yo! Fish lips!
我准备好了
I'm ready when you are!
再见
Bye-bye.
哦 拜托
Oh, come on!
哦 不 你不会的
Oh, no, you don't.
去死吧
Die!
过来 你这个小混蛋
Come here, you little shit!
到此为止了 老妖婆
It ends here, harridan!
哦 耶
Oh, yeah!
尝尝我的正义
Eat my justice!
让肝脏死去
Liver let die!
我讨厌政治
I hate politics.
当局对今晚的事件感到困惑 并且仍然不知道阿特金斯州长的位置
Authorities are baffled by tonight's events and
are still unaware of the location of Governor Atkins.
救援队未能找到一具尸体...
Rescue teams have failed to locate a body...
露西
Lucy.
恰克
Chuck?
你没事吧
Are you okay?
你看起来... 不一样了
You look ...different.
是啊 我想当你整天和蛋奶沙司一起 工作的时候 总会有些东西要放弃
Yeah. I guess when you work with custard all day something's got to give.
她现在开心了
Oi! She's happy now!
所以滚开 你这个瘦高的蠢货
So bugger off, you lanky twat!
闭嘴 小家伙
Button it, munchkin!
我知道怎么对她
I know how to treat her right!
我满足了她的需求
I give her what she needs!
什么 低架子吗
What, low shelving?
去你的 金发妞
Up yours, Blondie!
看在上帝的份上 住手
For God's sake, stop it!
我受不了了
I can't take this!
抱歉 告诉我一件事
Sorry. Just tell me one thing.
你信里说的那些话都是真心的吗
Did you really mean all those things you said in your letter?
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
我没有留下任何信
I didn't leave any letter.
可能是我
Ah, that may have been me.
我们总不能不辞而别吧
Well, we couldn't just leave without saying goodbye now, could we?
失陪一下
Excuse me a second.
你想尝尝这个吗 来吧
You want some of this do you? Come on then.
耶 我要在这里干你
Yeah! I'll do you from in 'ere!
去你妈的
Fuck you!
抱歉 我不知道他这么做了
Sorry. I had no idea he had done that.
这是否意味着我不是一个彻头彻尾的废物丈夫
So does this mean I wasn't a complete washout as a husband?
你当然不是
Of course, you weren't.
你永远不会明白做气球动物和往裤子里倒蛋奶冻对我意味着什么
You just never understood what it meant to me to
make balloon animals and pour custard down my pants.
我也不能指望你这么做
And I couldn't expect you to.
我本可以改变的
I could've changed.
我开始穿更大的鞋面对现实吧 查克 你工作..
I started wearing bigger shoes Face it, Chuck, you work...
一个人
alone.
他在那儿
There he is!
就是他
That's the man!
他就是那个冒牌货
He's the imposter!
拦住他
Stop him!
他疯了
He's gone nuts!
Steel
Steel!
明早我桌上就会有文件了
I'll expect the paperwork on my desk in the morning.
去你妈的
Go fuck yourself.
我本可以炒了他的
I could've fired him.
那真是太有趣了 不是吗
Well, that was jolly good fun wasn't it?
是啊 没错
Yeah, right.
外面肯定还有更多的蜥蜴
There's bound to be more of those lizards out there.
另外 我不确定我是否提到过这一点
Also, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but there is
但是有一种同样致命的力量存在 它必须被挫败
an equally deadly force out there that must be thwarted.
你听说过狼人吧
You have heard of werewolves, no?
当然
Sure.
但你有没有听说过..
But have you ever heard of...
狼人妓女
werewolf prostitutes?
或者是妓女狼 如果你愿意的话
Or whorewolves, if you will.
到处都是
They're bloody everywhere!
脸还是蛋蛋
Face or balls!
靠
Oh, flaps.
耶
Yeah!